so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
