You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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