My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
