my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
