Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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