Someone shit on the floor
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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