I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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