Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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