I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
