Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
