Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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