You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
