So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
