I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
