And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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