Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
