Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
