yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
