How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
