Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
