So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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