can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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