help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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