Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
