**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
