Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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