as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Terrible idea I love it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
