If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize