i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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