There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
