also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
