he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
where are my eyebrows?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
