We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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