508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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