i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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