I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
