What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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