Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
