She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
