The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
