things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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