Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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