They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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