At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
