Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
