it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
