I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
