a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
