Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
