fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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