Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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