I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
