i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
wow bdsm is so cute
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
