I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
