I didn't shave. On purpose
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
