just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
