I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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