So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
