He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you made out with another girl for some wings
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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