Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
