"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
