She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
