Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
