I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
