Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize