Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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