I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
