What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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