the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
