just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i came on her dog
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
