Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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