I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
