Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
